Tonight at the gym an issue was arising. Twas a gym whore, disturbing my workout. What’s a gym whore you ask? Well I’m glad you asked.
A gym whore is a man who thinks he’s HOT. He thinks he’s so hot that he flexes in the mirrors all the time; as if no one else is there in the room. He breathes as loudly as a thoroughbred finishing the Kentucky Derby. He often wears a ‘bro tank’, cut off tee, or other such skimpy male clothing. He’s most often found in the free weight area, but some tend to wander to the cable machines where I reside. This one in particular was making a home on my favorite squat machine.
Casually, I went and stood for him to finish, but he was just getting started. My friend John A. came over to chit chat – what a pleasant conversation we were beginning to have! That’s when it begun… the screaming! The moaning! The crying! I kept glancing at him; he appeared in control so I didn’t feel the need to step in and intervene. However, he continued on with his reps – yelling at the top of his lungs! I thought to myself, “Whoa. This guy must be killing it!” And finally – he was done. He let his legs go limp and got off the machine, weakly walking towards his pal. “It hurts so good, man! It hurts so good!” he yelled. Curious, I took a peek at the machine since he hadn’t reset the weight. 250lb? He was yelling at the top of his lungs for 250lb? So I climbed on. On a regular day, I squat 170lb. I don’t really push myself past that cause I like to max with rep instead of set. I keep my weight light so I don’t get too bulky on my petite frame. Tonight, however, I wanted to kick it in gear. I started at 170; pushed it to 200. Then 220, 230, and finally… 250. It felt great! But what felt even better? The look on the both of the guys faces when they realized I was squatting this dudes max and I wasn’t moaning like a whimp. So just to be a little mean, I popped it up to 270lb. That hurt – not gonna lie. I just pursed my lips and kept on squatting!
IT WAS AMAZING! It’s like the Gods of squatting sent their blessing down on me to teach this gym whore a lesson! It almost makes me a little teary eyed just thinking about it… :’)
So that’s that. Men – don’t be gym a whore. Suck it up and get the job done! Don’t draw unnecessary attention to yourself. Sheesh. I feel embarrassed for you!
Will I be able to walk tomorrow? Yep. Will I walk well? Probably not. Was it worth it? Absolutely. I love showing those boys what’s up when it’s leg day(: A big booty girl has gotta do what she’s gotta do!
I’ll be seeing you,
— Moe Joy